


Confessions

by thesometimeswarrior



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Episode: s02e18 The Earth King, Gen, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 12:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9272672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesometimeswarrior/pseuds/thesometimeswarrior
Summary: You have never cried in front of him before. But now he is ill. And you are selfish.





	

You have never cried in front of him. Before you left—two lifetimes ago, before you left for the siege—you had no cause to. And after you came back—after a year of wallowing in your grief, and losing yourself in the Spirit World, of penance with the Order of the White Lotus—you were out of tears. And after you failed (again), after _he_ was burned and scarred and banished, you forced yourself to appear stronger than you were in front of him. He needed the strength that you did not have, so you put up a front, invented some to loan him. You saved your tears for your own quarters and your own time. (And in your own quarters, in your own time, when he was not there, there were many tears. Of anger— _how dare Ozai do this to him_ —of sadness for all your boy had to bear, of self-loathing— _you could have stopped this, could have done something, but you didn’t you coward, you coward…_ )

You have never cried in front of him, except once when you slipped up, in the North Pole, before he left Zhao’s ship, and even then you managed to hold in the bulk of it until you were out of his view. But now he is feverish and unconscious. And as you tend to him, lay damp cloths on his forehead to bring down the fever, wrap him in blankets to combat the feverish chills, a thought—a selfish thought—occurs to you. He cannot hear you. He is not here, not really…

And so you bend down, low to his ear. Whisper: “I am sorry, Zuko. I looked away. I should have stopped him. I should have stopped him...” When the tears come, you do not stop them. He is not here, you think. He cannot see. So you let yourself weep, sniffle before you continue. “I am such a coward, Zuko. Such a coward. I could not protect Lu Ten...Well, I could have, had I seen what my father was, what our Nation had become, I could have been so much better for him...but I was not there when he…But I was there in front of you and Ozai...I could have...I should have...I am sorry, Zuko.”

But then you think of what he has done, how strong he has been. The revelation that Ozai wanted to arrest him had been a blow to him, you know, but it had not crushed him, had not turned him cruel. Even when you were apart, when you were tracking him, you saw him leave innocents unharmed though he needed food, saw him defend an innocent child and an innocent village, saw him refuse to be ashamed of who he was, even as the same people whom he protected ran him out. He freed the Avatar’s bison. 

He refused to be ashamed of who he was.

You whisper: “I am so proud of you, Zuko. You make me so proud. You are so strong. I am so proud.”

You keep whispering, the tears keep coming, and you do not remember falling asleep. 

When you awaken, your cheeks and eyes are dry, and he is stirring. You know he did not hear.

You know he did not hear. Until, months later—after Ba Sing Se is captured and freed again, after he is lost and finds himself again—when he takes a break from his crown and his throne to sit with you and let you pour him tea, he asks, eyebrows creased in concern: 

“You don’t still blame yourself, do you?”

The question takes you by surprise, and you blink. “Of what do you speak, Fire Lord Zuko?”

“That night in Ba Sing Se, after I freed Appa, Aang's bison, when I was sick...you said…”

He does not finish. He does not have to. “I thought that you could not hear.”

“I could. I did,” he says softly. “And you didn’t answer my question, Uncle.”

You have nothing to say. You look away, shake your head.

“It wasn’t your fault, you know. Any of it.”

“I could have stopped him, had I not been such a coward.”

“I never blamed you. Even when I blamed everyone else, everyone except Ozai, I never blamed you.”

“Perhaps you should have.”

“No. You kept me sane. I wouldn’t be here now without your guidance. I wouldn’t have found my way.”

“You did that by yourself.” 

“But I was only able to because of what _you_ did for me.” He pauses. “Uncle, I’m really proud of you. And so is Lu Ten.”

You’re in front of him now, and that is of no significance. You let yourself cry. And you let yourself smile.

He smiles too.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Comments are my bread and butter.


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